Don't Touch My Tuna
by iPNDera
Summary: As Vongola's only heir, Tsuna leaves home, and journey's to his Grandfathers. On his way, due to a complete misunderstanding, he is accompanied by a half-man/half-cat who seems to make his life harder with promises of being bitten to death. 1827 BL
1. Poor Fishy

"Tsu-kun!"

Tsuna looked back at his worried mother, a nervous smile found its way onto his face. He was leaving home. He was going to claim his rightful place as Vongola heir. The day the messenger came, he packed some things, reluctantly, with some encouragement from his mother. But to be honest, he didn't want to go. He was scared shit-less. But he was the only possible heir, and his mother looked so happy to know her little Tsuna had strength deep down in his little heart. Still Tsuna was a little nervous about getting there on foot, apparently it was part of the heir initiation. Which meant he's be alone... in the woods... where monsters and bandits, and other scary things belong. Tsuna started to tremble. He didn't want to be attacked or eaten or anything like that! He wanted to live! He was brought out of his train of thought by his mothers words.

"I believe in you!" Her facial features changed to one of happiness. It was the exact same expression she had on when rice was on sale. "Don't forget Mama packed some dried fruit in the little side pocket!"

Tsuna wilted a bit, but nodded, before shakily continuing his trudge to his Grandfathers.

_'Dear God, why is this happening to me?'_

**iLikeCheese~ Scene Change-egnahC enecS~eseehCekiLi**

Tsuna peered up at the starry sky, and back down at the crumpled map in his shaking hands. It was freezing tonight, and he didn't exactly know where he was. He planned on stopping at an inn, but he only passed by one. Some old woman was the keeper and she kept on hitting him with a wooden spoon hollering something along the lines of "You little turd! Next time you run all over my petunias I'll cut your-" and that's when he started to to say he wasn't frightened of inns or old ladies was quite the understatement. But that aside, Tsuna knew he'd be in trouble if he didn't find refuge soon.

_Grwwwl_.

Tsuna groaned at his empty stomach. Last time he ate was early this morning... it was probably approaching midnight now. The teen searched for a non-suspicious looking rock, and finally; when he found one, settled down on it. He sighed in relief, happy to be resting his tired feet and rummaged through the nap sack. For a small backpack it certainly held alot of things. He sifted through the contents; boxers, socks, little bag of money, toilet paper, extra clothes, a sleeping bag, water, toothbrush...wait..water? Tsuna tugged the bottle from beneath everything else, the cool canteen looked glorious in his eyes. He unscrewed the cap and drank a bit, bathing in the refreshing taste. He then put it back in bag and thought hard on where the food was.

...

Side pocket!

He pulled out a hefty bag of dried apricots, raisins and other fruit, before tearing into the bag causing bits of fruit to fly everywhere. He shoveled the food down, clumsily missing his mouth a few times. But it was okay, because Tsuna was full. Sighing contently he proceeded to pack up everything.

_Tweet._

Tsuna jumped. "Hi-Hi-?" He opted for throwing in all his stuff rather than arranging it neatly. He was a little startled by the random chirping since it was night and birds usually came out and chirped in the morning.

_Tweet._

"Ahh!" There it was again! Tsuna fumbled with the straps of his bag trying to get them on his shoulders before the evil night man-eating bird; or so he thought; came to eat him.

Like ghost fingers, he felt something on his head, afraid for his life, he sprinted hard, though the thing still had contact with his head. He shook his head, hard, actually getting dizzy and tripping over his own feet. He fell to the floor in awkward position on his back, his head knocking itself against the paved road. Darkness seeped into his eyesight. It was over for him. The monster would eat him. But at least he wouldn't feel himself being eaten. Not that that really made things better, he was still going to die...

'Dame Tsuna...'

**iShouldBeAsleep*SceneChange=egnahCenecS*peelsAeBdluohSi**

Tsuna cracked open his eyes, the intruding sunlight burned. He rolled over onto his side, shuffling deeper into the sheets. What he assumed were his mothers cold fingers; probably from washing the dishes, pocked at his head. He shook them away, groaning into the pillow. Sadly, his mother continued to pock at his head, this time harder than before, and it was getting a little difficult to ignore.

"Mmmm, Mama, just 10 more minutes..." He pleaded halfhearted, still embraced in the thralls of slumber.

The poking went away. Tsuna smiled.

"I'm not your mother, herbivore."

That deep voice definitely didn`t belong to his mother. Perhaps he hit his head to hard...Oh that's right, he hit his head...so, does that mean he's in heaven? God doesn't call people herbivore... Tsuna gasped into the pillow, pulling himself upright. this couldn`t be happening! Could he really be...?

"I'm in HELL!"

_Thwack!_

Now he knew he was in hell. Tsuna clutched at his throbbing head, tears forming in the corner of his eyes. "I-I don't know why I'm here! If this is because of that old lady, I promise, I never stepped on he petunias! So ple-".

"Foolish herbivore, I will bite you to death and send you to hell." came the now aggravated voice.

"Foolish! Foolish!" A little, familiar _tweet_ followed after the words.

Tsuna turned around and was faced with a yellow ball of fluff. "...Evil Night Man-eating Bird..." Now he felt stupid. The little ball blinked at him before calling Tsuna foolish again. The teen laughed aloud at himself. "Dame Tsuna..." he mumbled, smiling to himself. Then the small tuft of yellow floe away, he followed it to find a man. A very scary looking man, perched on the windowsill, one leg over the other, glaring. The brunette flinched at the cold looks. He opened his mouth to say something but the man stood, two things...or rather three, being revealed as well.

"Y-You're a-a Cat man!"

******TBC*****

Yeeeeeeah, I should be sleeping or reading or something that doesn`t involve me actually putting in any effort. So I know the beginning of this chapter just made you wanna fall asleep, did that to me too. But uh, it got better didn't it? Lawlz, I tried not to rush into it. But i couldn't help myself because I thought of an idea as to how I'm going to incorporate all of the Vongola in here. Originally I wanted Reborn to be in this chapter and Hibari the next, buuut I want them to endure a bunch of crap tooogether! Without Reborn beating the crap out of Tsuna all the time. But Reborn will still be in this fic, just more-so later on. Veeery later on.

Yes, Hibari is a kitty. I'm sorry it's just so awesome when he's a cat cuz then he has twice the utility to rape Tuna with. Isn't that woooonderful! Lawlz no, this is gonna stay T sorry yaoi fans. :D I just don`t think I can handle writing the manluvin'. Did it before... but then spazzed when someone who doesn't know me very well found it...

OOOOKAY, so I'm rambling and will stop riiight now.

You love me :'D


	2. Scary Kitty

The catman narrowed his eyes at the fascinated teen, causing him to tremble in awe. He stood slowly, the triangles on his head swerving in sync with the lengthy tail that seemed to come out of nowhere. Tsuna leaned away from the irritated feline and promptly fell sideways out of the bed he was formerly occupying. His situation was forgotten as he clutched his shoulder in pain. Little tears welling up in his eyes.

"Pathetic."

The brunette looked up to spot the man settled upon the bed, exactly as he had been on the window sill.

"Pathetic! pathetic!" came the delighted chirping of the harmless ball of sun.

The feline yawned, deadly canines gleamed dangerously, promising to be literally, bitten to death. "Listen closely Herbivore, I will ask you a series of questions, and you will answer immediately. failure to answer will result in immediate death..." he yawned again, or so it seemed, the little tuft of yellow landing onto one of his fangs.

Tsuna shrieked, scared for the little bird. "D-don't!"

The small animal flew away chirping 'herbivore'.

"...via being _bitten_."

The teen paled instantly, he was pretty sure his heart rate had picked up a lot. He'd have to listen very carefully, his life would depend on it. Plus he didn't want to die now! He was too young, so many things he hadn't done yet. There was also the whole Vongola thing... he had gotten this far...wherever this far was... and he wasn't about to give up now! Nodding inwardly, Tsuna mustered up the mental strength to get through this. He would prevail!

"...ing?"

What was the catman saying? He wasn't really listening because he was too busy trying to not breakdown.

"Eh?"

There was a flash of silver and Tsuna found himself sporting a rather unattractive lump on his already battered head. He gawked at the glaring catman who now had two shiny sticks in his hands.

"Answer is unfit. Failure. Question 2." he stood, and the brunette shook.

Dame Tsuna! Pay attention! You can't die now! O-Oh no! N-No! He's getting c-closer! W-what is he saying?

"..oor?"

Tsuna panicked his eyes darted around the room for an escape, a door, anything! Oh! There was a window somewhere. The catman got closer and closer, until the brunette started spouting nonsense.

"W-well you see, i-I um, i'm supposed to...to uh..w-well, It, It's just that uh..." He slowly inched his way to the window he remembered the cat man sitting on. But a stick met him halfway.

The larger mans face was scarily close to Tsuna's. The stick at his neck, dark eyes glared into his bright brown. "Pay attention." The man leaped back with cat-like grace landing daintily on his feet. "Answer is unreliable. Failure. Question 3."

"Who are y-"

Tsuna never gave the catman time to finish, he jumped up and as fast as he could and clambered/jumped through the window. When he hit the grass he was relieved that he was on the first floor. But he rolled, and rolled, and _rolled_... He opened his shut eyes to see himself tumbling down a hill. He couldn't see where it ended. He latched onto a large rock in arms length. He was pretty light so he was surprised when the rock lost grip and tumbled before him, the next thing he knew he heard a splash.

A cliff!

"Herbivore."

There in all his dark attire was the catman! Tsuna would've sighed in relief if it was anyone else, but it was the catman. He wan't sure what emotion to feel. So for now he settled for being scared shitless. The raven running rather fast, only on his hands and feet...strange, Tsuna thought. He then leaped over Tsuna doing a somersault in mid-air and over the...clift. Now Tsuna was scared out of his mind! If the catman failed, who could save him! He slid off the edge head first, watching the green grass turn to deep blue and grey/slate coloured rocks. He closed his eyes feeling the ground dissapear beneath him, waiting for the hard fall. He should've taken those swimming lessons.

But, as if time had stopped, so had Tsuna. But time hadn't stopped. The wind still blew through the brunettes hair. He could still hear the rush of the waves below. He could see them sway. Plus he could feel that vice-like grip on his ankle.

"Eh?" He looked down... or rather up to see, the catman! He was gripping Tsuna's ankle with one hand whil the other held onto a metal stick that dug into the underside of the clift. The teen was ecstatic! Catman had saved him! Just about to voice his thanks, he felt himself being thrown up. He screamed very unmanly and shrill-like, before hitting the grass on the top of the cliff.

"Next time herbivore, You won't be so lucky."

With that Tsuna smiled a bit losing consciousness. It seemed to be a little too much excitement for his little heart. Perhaps when he woke up, everything would just be a dream.

"Herbivore, don't you dare faint."

Or maybe not...

Oh heeeeey guys! :'D soooo sorry bout taking forever i started this like a week after the first chapter then i just forgot about it...lolololol I fail, i know.

Buuut you love me even though this chapter is crap and i'm obviously stalling till i get an idea for a transition scene :'D.

Tiiiiill theeen


	3. Silver Octopus

To say that the little time Tsuna spent with the catman was frightening was a complete and utter understatement. It was by for the most terrifying yet relieving experience of his life. That wasn't exactly a surprise seeing as the teen was afraid of old ladies. But even so, anyone in his position would be frightened. Speaking of positions...

Tsuna hobbled and hopped around rocks, over twigs and through shrubs. This of course was due to the separate ropes tying his arms and legs together. Courtesy of the one and only catman who held an end of the rope attached to his hands. He peered behind him to see the man practically gliding over every little obstacle the teen struggled to get over. The coal/silvery eyes flicked to his direction. He tugged on the rope causing the brunette to waver.

"Move."

"Hiiii!" Tsuna hobbled and hopped faster hoping to escape from the man's piercing gaze but ended up toppling over and dropping onto his face.

Why did it seem that he always ended up on the ground whenever he was around this man? He recalled the frightening interrogation that took place after he regained consciousness for the second time...

**~OhMiRibsAndRiceIt'sAFlashback~**

_"Ugh." Tsuna felt like he'd been dropped from 20 feet in the air. He opened his eyes but was blinded by the sun. Blocking his face, he peeked through his lids again, only in a different to direction. To his left to be exact._

_Catman._

_Oh, that's right! He was dropped from 20 feet in the air, after catman saved him from certain and uncomfortable death. He quivered a bit. Such a kind...scary...pretty...mean...catman._

_The man's tail flickered wildly, the fur seemed to stand. Sleek black eyes narrowed, and the ends of his mouth were slightly pulled downwards. If Tsuna didn't know any better he'd say the catman was angry. But of course this is probably just his everyday face._

_"Herbivore, if you fail to answer my questions. I personally help you in your quest to dive off a cliff." The fluff appeared from nowhere and landed on the catmans shoulder. "Or would you rather be bitten to death?"_

_Silver._

_Something cold was pressed against the teens neck. He gulped, feeling the metal push further._

_"The forest belongs to me. Any damage/harm or reckless acts within my forest will not go unpunished. What were you doing?"_

_His forest? The forest can't belong to one person..."Can it?"_

_"What?"_

_Oops. Tsuna had spoken aloud again. "Uh-Uh...um... I...I got scared!" he felt the metal ease a bit._

_"Why?" He didn't dare look at the catman. _

_"I...I kept on hearing sounds. B-But, It w-was her!" He pointed to the now flying ball of sun._

_A low growl caused the metal to vibrate. The brunette wailed his apologies for whatever it was that he did wrong. _

_"Hibird is a male."_

_Oh. Okay...touchy subject._

_"Why were you originally in my forest?"_

_"Ah," that was a good question. Why was Tsuna in the forest? He thought for a bit. Oh ya! "I'm going to...uh...to see my grandpa."_

_"Oh?"_

_"He lives a while away from here...You've probably heard of him before." Tsuna muttered the last part, peeking from corner of his eyes to see sleek black ears swiveling._

"_Is he going to take responsibility for your…snacks, sullying the forest floor?"_

_It's just a forest!_

_Tsuna nodded gingerly, contemplating whether or not he just did the right thing._

"_You will take me to him, however, I'll need to take a few precautions," the catman eyed his nails._

"_P-Pre-Precautions!" a piece of rope was dropped next to him._

"_To ensure your safety."_

**~OkaiTheFlashbackEndedNow~**

More like to make sure he doesn't run away again. Tsuna sulked, why did this stuff always happen to him?

**~YoGuyIt'sHibari'sTurnNo****w****oNnruTs'irabiHs'tIyuGoY~**

Hibari clicked his tongue in annoyance, obviously not impressed that this herbivore was being so difficult, whether intended or not. He watched the little thing squirm on the floor struggling to rise due to his bound hands and feet. This may take some time. Time required patience. Hibari did not have patience.

"Pathetic herbivore, do not test me."

A squeak and a groan was all he got in reply. Then the herbivore seized all movement and deflated.

"I- I need...h-help." came the timid voice.

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, the man yawned rather loudly. "I'd rather just bite you to death." The sleek black tail behind him flickered steadily as he advanced towards his prey.

He stepped on twigs and branches enjoying the sounds of the anxiety that came from the bundle before him.

_*Boom!*_

Hibari narrowed his eyes and lifted the teen from the ground promptly tossing him over his shoulder. He leaped from the path into nearby shrubs and bushes. The cries and panicked questions coming from the direction of his butt were ignored. Only when the sounds became too loud did he voice a command.

"Shut up."

Worked like a charm.

_*Boom!*_

However, a little too late. He left the no longer safe safety of the sidelines and rand down the path, trees and spiked bushes exploding all around him. He dropped from a branch, landing daintily on his feet, only to be blown 50 feet into the air.

Whoever was doing this was going to get bitten to death.

"Damnit! U.M.A. has escaped!"

Hibari's ears swiveled. They strained to hear through the falling trees, the scattering animals, and the heavy yet warm breathes that attacked his tail. His tail flickered. It was supposed to stun the herbivore into complete stillness. However it had the opposite effect. Hi breathes quickened, and the raven could feel the increasing heat on the base of his tail, traveling to a more uncontrollable area.

He couldn't take this, he dropped the brunette and thought of other things. Ugly things. Things that made him angry. Red and Blue pineapples flashed in head. He hissed at the sight. That certainly did the trick.

_*Boom!*_

The destruction of his forest was just a bonus.

Ears flickered again, and he knew where to go. Giving the teen a hard glare, he stalked in the direction of the violator. They were a few paces back, probably hanging from some tree.

Next thing the hybrid knew a white/grey-haired teen; probably around the herbivores age, was throwing sticks at him. He leapt from his spot. Exploding sticks. How delightful. Without letting the boy try again he flitted towards him silently, a tonfa seemed to materialize in his hand. He batted the boy's face with it. Narrowly missing clubbing off the kids nose, Hibari tried again, only this time he went for the legs. The silver-headed teen wasn't quick enough and stumbled backwards tossing small silver balls into Hibari's face.

Almost as if in slow motion he watched the little round bits of silver fly through the air, glinting off the sun, and then hit one of his tonfas.

**~~**

Tsuna sat in silence, unaware of what he should be feeling. The catman was nowhere to be seen, it was just a bunch of smoke, like he exploded or something. The silver boy was clutching his leg, his face contorted into something of success. But then, it changed, he looked angry. The brunette turned his attention back to the smoke. A little wisp of black was seen. It flickered constantly.

Oh! The catman!

Maybe it had to do with the fact that the man had saved his life, but whatever it was, Tsuna was overcome with immense relief. He breathed, as if he's been holding it all in. The color he didn't know had left him, came flooding back to his face. He gazed upon the figures head, only to see the back of his head. He'd have to remember to never piss off the catman.

Never.

**~Isn'tTsunaJustTheCutesThingEver~**

Hibari frowned at the disfigured metal in his left hand. His tonfa had been reduced to a bent spoon. Not much help. He tossed the useless item to the side, and started perusing the silver-haired teen. He smiled a bit at seeing that they were injured. He flipped landing stealthily on his feet, avoiding the exploding sticks. He saw the boy throw a few of those silver balls to the ground, a cloud of smoke erupted and the boy was gone.

Or rather, he was hiding.

His ear swiveled again, catching the silenced grunts of pain, which came from the wounded boy. He was trying to escape. Hibari took his time, stepping over twigs and leaves, and anything that would make a sound. He avoided shrubs and fallen branches and stopped right behind the sliver-headed octopus.

Octopus?

"Wao. I come up with good nicknames."

The body before him stiffened, slowly turning around.

"You've just caused destruction to my forest, how will you take responsibility? Or should I just bite you to death?"

The boy seemed to press something on his watch and spoke into it. "Gokudera Hayato, U.M.A. found."

Hibari grunted and threw his tonfa at the teens forehead, knocking the boy over, causing him to howl in pain. Foolish herbivores. He'd have to take this one along and dispose3 of him later. At least after he gained some sort of compensation for his forest. But first, he looked at all the weaponry on the male.

He'd have to confiscate a few things.

"Stupid U.M.A.!"

This may take some time.

**~TBC~**

**Ooookai! Forgive my tardiness :'D. I have no excuse but I was lazy and couldn't think of anything. Someone asked what I meant by transition scene. I meant like a way for me to get the story moving by introducing new characters n events n shit. Srry if this doesn't make sense.**

**I'm hungry. Gonna get some breakfast…uhhh I mean lunch?**

**Whatever. Gosh I'm tired :P**

**ANYWAYS! There should be like… 2 chapters per guardian + a few, obviously this is Gokudera's first so next chapter will be his second.**

**Shall I give u a little peek? **

**Too bad! **_**I**_** don't even know what's gonna happen.**

**Tillll later kiddies! Yuh Luv meh! :"D**


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